Haven’t been on here in bloody ages but that normally is a good thing.. Sadly not in a good place at the moment hence why I have turned back!
**POSITIVE VIBES NEEDED**
Not really sure how to deal with all of these demons in my head at the moment but thought talking might help me out a little. I have been all over the place at the moment with my panic attacks and not feeling good enough.
Booked a doctors appointment for tomorrow which is the first time I have openly spoken about what I need help with. That was a massive step for me to overcome but fingers crossed it’s the start of a new future for me! *VERY NERVOUS*
Finding it really hard to talk to anyone about how I am truly feeling at the moment as I just feel annoying and not strong enough! Hopefully I can start talking before i start to push everyone away.
Anyways, PICTURE OF THE DAY ~
This picture will from now on be in the back of my mind..
Sorry that my blogs aren’t very positive but hopefully they progress and I will be able to look back and be proud of who I have become 🙂
Thanks for reading
The reason as to why I haven’t blogged for so long is that I found someone that made me the happiest girl in the world and I didn’t feel the need to blog and let everything out but because I have done this I feel I have made myself worse than what I would have been if I kept blogging:-(
I feel like I will never be accepted due to the fact that I cannot accept myself, I hate everything about myself and I just want to feel truly happy but cant:-( I would love for everything to get better so I don’t have to cry to myself every night as its really becoming an everyday thing. Just when you think that everything is getting better but it’s not:-(
Is anyone there, sorry for not being online much
Day nine of my blog ~
I feel so drained today and just down about not being able to stay on top of my work, sucks because I want to do well but I have 0 motivation.
I want Saturday to come so I can go to this party and just enjoy myself, I am very nervous about going to this party but I am pushing myself to go and just enjoy myself with my friends. I need to just live my life without a care in the world:-)
If I could change how I feel in life overnight I would but as the picture says I cant so therefore I am going to work until I am the happiest girl alive.
Not much to talk about in the week and all I do is get up go to sixth form, go home, eat dinner and go to bed but the weekends are normally when I am at my happiest as I get to enjoy time with my friends and not have to wake up at 7 am.
I love my family for being there for me’
So as you know I have horrible suicidal thoughts when alone or even when I am around people sometimes and I really felt like I needed to tell a family member so I told my nan. Its not because I can not speak to my mum I just really didn’t want to worry her and upset her so I thought telling my nan would be the best idea. So now my nan knows I feel like I can tell her every bad point in my day without her saying anything, she just listens which is what I need.
Talking has really helped me get somewhere and I hope it gets better as it goes on.
So overall today has been yet another shit week day but it’s Friday tomorrow and that is all that matters.
Thank you for reading my blog and visiting my page. Comment and follow my page if you like what I post:-)
Day eight of my blog~
I am so fed up of people promising me things and then letting me down all of the time, they clearly don’t get what it feels like but I don’t need people like that anymore. I really don’t agree with it so therefore I wont put up with it anymore.
But anyways moving on to the less negative part of my day..
I have started speaking to my old friend that I haven’t spoken to since school, we were so close and it feels so nice to finally get back in contact with her:)
I went out for dinner with my friends from sixth form and it was eat as much as you like, I am now so stuffed it is crazy. SOO worth it though.
I would upload a picture but my laptop is playing up so hopefully I will be able to upload one tomorrow!
So anyway today has been full of ups and downs but over all I can complain as I have surrounded myself with the best possible people that I could and I wouldn’t change them for the world. Need the negative ones to remove themselves now because they aren’t wanted anymore.
Anyway I will be back tomorrow hopefully with something better to talk about aye haha.
Thank you:-) ~ anxietyismylife
Day seven of my blog ~
So today I didn’t have to be in sixth form as I finished all my work thankfully but I kept waiting up every hour after a new nightmare which was pretty scary! My imagination goes wild when I am sleeping.
Once I decided to wake up I called my friends over to chill out and just chat.. We then decided we were going to go to reading festival!! Asked and okayed it with mum and she booked my ticket for my 18th birthday (which sadly is not until the 31st of August) so I finally have something to be excited about!
I will be here on the 26th of August until the 30th and then the next day I am 18! Being the youngest in my year sucks so bad but hey the count down is on!
If any of you have been to a festival before let me know on anything you think I should take with me and what to expect.. so nervous but yet so excited:)
So todays blog has been pretty positive so that means so has my day, thank you for reading and noticing my blog guys.
Blog again tomorrow ~ anxietyismylife’
Day six of my blog~
I can’t even describe what it makes me feel like just being dropped after trusting someone for so long.
I trust too easily and I need to learn how I can put my guard up more😕
The only things that gets me through the week is thinking about the weekend.
Weekdays are hard or me but I’m saying positive because I need to get better!
Not worth the pain’
The best outcome of today was that I finished all of my work therefore I don’t have to go in tomorrow.
Lye in sounds old to me😚
Anyway I should probably get some sleep, my blog must look so boring to people but don’t worry.. It will get better!
Onwards and upwards from here 😍
Thank-you for reading my blog, It means a lot ~ aniextyismylife’
Day five of my blog~
Start of the day was great, splashdown with one of my best friends and just chilling out!
I got home and then everything just started to get me down and I’m fed up of feeling so down all the time😕 I want to know how to be happy all the time.
This hit me hard because i am always the one to be hurt but I wonder if one day someone will be scared to lose me because that has never happened to me.
I don’t feel good enough for life let alone someone else, being happy needs to become easier!
I don’t need anyone but I just wish someone was there for me.
But anyway fingers crossed Monday isn’t how it normally is, back again tomorrow😚
Thank you, anxietyismylife’